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Autokrabography (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction)
Autokrabography (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction) Synopsis Mr.Krabs decides to write an autobiography about his life using money as the central focus. Characters Eugene H. Krabs Spongebob Squarepants Squidward Tentacles Fred Rechid Nat Peterson Mr.Krabs’ father Child Mr.Krabs Mama Krabs Kid Sheldon J. Plankton Squilliam Fancyson SR (mentioned) Squilliam Fancyson III (mentioned) Young Adult Mr.Krabs Mr.Krabs’ Naval Buddies (younger) Mutton Chop Iron Eye Torpedo Belly Lockjaw Jones Barnacle Boy (mentioned) Mermaid Man (mentioned) The Story The story begins inside the Krusty Krab early morning. Mr.Krabs walks in with a cup of coffee. MR.KRABS: Ahoy there Mr.Squarepants! Spongebob enthusiastically cleans the theoretical particles. SPONGEBOB: Chow Mr.K! Hehe! MR.KRABS: Right… anyways, how you holding Mr.Squidward? Squidward sits at the register with a very mean look on his face. SQUIDWARD: Do not bother me at this early hour when I’m exceptionally grumpy! Fred Rechid walks up. FRED: Hey uh I would like to order the Breakfast Special and.. Squidward hisses at Fred. FRED: Aaaahhhh!! Fred runs away but slips on a puddle Spongebob made after cleaning the floor. He smacks legs first into the window. FRED: MY LEGS! Mr.Krabs scampers to his office. MR.KRABS: While Mr.Squidward will go and be a grump, Spongebob, as you help the leg man, do not bother me! SPONGEBOB: Why? MR.KRABS: I am writing an autobiography about me money. SPONGEBOB: Superb! Mr.Krabs shakes his head and enters his office. Nat Peterson walks in and tries to order but Squidward hisses again and scares him away. Mr.Krabs takes a seat at his desk and grabs out a piece of paper & a red ink pen. After cracking his knuckles, he begins. MR.KRABS: The year was 1947.. We cut to 1947, Eugene Krabs is five years old and finishes playing with linking logs. His father then walks up, smiles at his son and hands him a dollar bill. MR.KRABS: And my father gave me a dollar. Mr.Krabs enthusiastically takes the bill and begins rubbing his lower body with it similarly to his millionth dollar in “Clams.” MR.KRABS: I loved that dollar more than me own. Mr.Krabs & his parents then walk to the beach after some odd hours pass. MR.KRABS: And then when we went to the beach that one tragic August day, it was so hot! Kid Krabs scampers up to a soda machine singing “Lalala.” MR.KRABS: I was so thirsty! Mr.Krabs, who didn’t know better at the time until realizing years later, inserts the bill in and receives a Sprite in return. MR.KRABS: I spent it on a soda! Mr.Krabs back in the present day begins crying getting emotional over his experiences. MR.KRABS: My best friend!!! Ohhoho.. Mr.Krabs gets some composure back and continues to write his story. MR.KRABS: Now my father.. Back to 1947, Kid Krabs gets a spanking from his equally cheapskate father for spending the bill and giving the family a bad name. MR.KRABS: And rightfully so, beaten me on me hindquarters for selfishly spending the bill and making me family hate our household. My mother decided to stop this in her way. Mama Krabs then beats Mr.Krabs’ father with a clothes hanger for laying his claws on their boy. MR.KRABS: “Do not lay a hand on our boy.. or I will eliminate you so help me Neptune!” Said me mother and I don’t know why she was so calm at the tragedy I committed. Mr.Krabs’ father apologizes to his son for beating him and decides to make up for it by getting him a penny from the local fountain across the street. MR.KRABS: Me Dad decided he was going to get me a penny, as me mother & I watched him scamper across the street we thought we were in the clear! But then.. Mr.Krabs’ father gets hit by a salopy jalopy driven by an old man. A newspaper is then shown : R.I.P - Mr.Krabs Senior (1905-1947). MR.KRABS: Me father went to the Great Beyond. Mama Krabs is shown crying at the funeral service while Kid Krabs is confused at what's happening. A few years then pass. MR.KRABS: By 1950, our amount of money was not looking good. Mama Krabs & Kid Krabs move into an old trailer, the sixteenth one in a single month. MR.KRABS: We had no choice but to spend so much money to pay for me Dad's burial. We were suffering financially and socially. Kid Krabs is commonly bullied at school for wearing raggedly clothing they got from local yokels. MR.KRABS: Spitballs…. Neck decks…. triple knotted underpants…. it was quite a wonder on how I managed to survive in that sinkhole. Kid Krabs is then defended by a child copepod. MR.KRABS: I managed to get at least one best friend in my times of poverty, his name was Sheldon J. Plankton. Kid Krabs & Kid Plankton spend the next couple of years working together on things they loved such as playing Monopoly, doing science experiments, working on Scratch tickets & messing around with bullies for revenge using chemical acids. MR.KRABS: Life was somewhat good… until 1954 came. In the midst of the Summer of 1954, the short lived friendship between Mr.Krabs & Plankton ends when they fight over who can make a better burger as the events of “Friend or Foe” play out. MR.KRABS: That so called friend became my enemy and still is today. While he was unsuccessful and my burger business was making popularity with the former bullies, the financial struggle continued. Throughout the rest of the 1950s, Mr.Krabs & his mother kept moving trailer to trailer to trailer. MR.KRABS: Our income was dirt… Our profits were non existent… & Our taxes could only be paid in half by the same old man that killed me father to make up for it. We thought that life was over & money making was a pipe dream but then.. it happened. In 1961, Mama Krabs wins the lottery & celebrates. MR.KRABS: Me Mama won $800,000 in the lottery and the money was enough to buy us a nicer suburban home which happened to have been a pink anchor. I thought it looked ugly but it was still a better option than the moldy trailers. Mr.Krabs graduates from High School in 1961. MR.KRABS: I wanted to go to College to try and get a good job so I can make enough money to be as rich as the prime minister of our city named Squilliam Fancyson SR, the grandfather of Squidward's rival, Squilliam Fancyson III. Mama Krabs, to keep the cheapness of the family intact, refuses to pay for Krabs’ College education with the money. MR.KRABS: This decision me mother made ruined our relationship. I have now been able to stabilize it today but not to the loving nurture it used to be. Since I had no way of going to College, me only other option was the Navy. Mr.Krabs enlists in the Naval Academy and eventually joins the full Navy in 1965. MR.KRABS: I was the best cadet you could offer. First mate, ship's mate, cannon operator, plumber, fighter jet flyer & even third officer! I also had four Naval Buddies. Mr.Krabs is shown having fun as a young cadet with 4 other young cadets named Mutton Chop, Iron Eye, Torpedo Belly & Lockjaw Jones. MR.KRABS: The amounts of fun we had on the open blue were endless! To name a few, that would be playing basketball, rugby, poisoning the mess hall lunches & even shooting out old baseballs with the cannons! It was nice… until I got a bill, and not the bill I wanted. This was no dollar bill, it was a charging bill. MR.KRABS: I was charged for the delinquencies me buddies & I caused. The list calculated up to $10,000! Mr.Krabs leaves the ship in a solemn manner while the shocked Naval Buddies & the angry admiral & corporal look on. MR.KRABS: So I was dishonorably discharged from service for refusing to pay due to having no money of that stature! As the 1960s come to a close & the 1970s rise, Mr.Krabs falls into a deep depression. MR.KRABS: I fell into a deep depression, it was very tough living on the streets with no money! Not even the Moon Landing or Woodstock was enough to keep me happy. Mr.Krabs walks up to a flop house and is going to turn himself in to live a sad life. MR.KRABS: Before I could do the unthinkable, it hit me! I got an amazing idea that could make me hard earned Fort Knox cash! Throughout 1971, Mr.Krabs annoys the banks enough to eventually fund him an old bankrupt retirement home and turn it into the restaurant he came up with all the way back in his school days. Another year passes & Mr.Krabs is ready to begin his entrepreneurial life. MR.KRABS: March 14, 1972! The Krusty Krab opens! As soon as it does, I begin making MONAYYY!! Mr.Krabs makes tons of profits over some stuff such as charging people to watch the hit sitcoms of the 70's, playing some fun sports, watching the Nixon Resignation over Watergate, & hosting raffles. MR.KRABS: The cash just kept coming and coming. However, nothing made me as much cash as the Krabby Patty, the best most delicious burger that made me more money than when Barnacle Boy stole dimes out of Mermaid Man's piggy bank! Mr.Krabs finishes his closing statements. MR.KRABS: So that is how I earned me money and how I will continue to in the future! Happy trails! Mr.Krabs sets down his red pen and relaxes. MR.KRABS: Glad all that writing is over! Mr.Krabs then hears loud rumbling. Squidward, who is out of his early morning grumpiness and is now panicking, enters. SQUIDWARD: Mr.Krabs! Spongebob got into the fruit punch vault again! Mr.Krabs gulps. A wave of fruit punch then sprays in after Squidward evacuates through the window. The punch hits Krabs & his autobiography. Eventually the punch drains & Spongebob enters. He looks to see Mr.Krabs’ mouth full of fruit punch & the paper completely coated in red and all of the thoughts Mr.Krabs just wrote gone. SPONGEBOB: Uh oh. Mr.Krabs steams with anger & Spongebob is already hightailing it halfway down the street with his angry boss hot in pursuit. Fred Rechid walks by with his legs recovered. Another random wave of fruit punch then passes and turns this trend around completely. FRED: MY LEGS!!! Category:SquidwardTentacles35